My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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