your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
