Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
