So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
