Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
