so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
