i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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