If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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