Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
