Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Let's get the cat blown out
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
