your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
