R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
