I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
