Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
