Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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