Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
