If i come over, it means nothing
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
They took my balls.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
