I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
BRING THE BAGELS
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
