He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
