yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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