miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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