all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
