I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
