you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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