I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
