I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
