Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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