You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
