Well douche your snatch and let's go!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
