That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
