Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize