there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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