Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
