The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
