Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
