something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize