maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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