You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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