So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
