His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
