handjob tips. give me some.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
