the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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