I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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