i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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