How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
