The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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