they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize