I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
50% drunk capacity currently
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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