Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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