The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
