They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
