so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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