What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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