Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
