listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
