I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
