Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
