naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
