it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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