So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
