did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
