The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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