I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
