Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
