dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
