This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
