Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
