Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
