just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize