sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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