you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
