dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
