I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
