remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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