i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Alive.
So much puke
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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